Lou’s View – Dec. 3, 2015
A Stone Sculpture Christmas
by Lou Bernard
It’s December. Christmas is coming. Everyone is buying presents, making plans, and being a little nicer to each other on the off-chance that Santa exists. But of course, there’s always one question on everyone’s mind.
What do the stone soldiers think?
Actually, that’s probably not on everyone’s mind. It probably wasn’t even on the minds of most people in 1914, when the article answering the question appeared in the Clinton County Times.
I’ve never been sure if this is how the editors meant to come across, but the Clinton County Times has a reputation for being somewhat of a bizarre newspaper. It was a rare week when the Times wasn’t talking trash about some local politician, running articles on the strange behavior of locals, or interviewing the stone soldiers on the Civil War monument.
It was that last one that I’m talking about now.
In the early 1900s, the Civil War monument in town stood at the end of Triangle Park. It wasn’t moved to its current location until 1969. The Times was based closely beside it on Bellefonte Avenue, and as it was so close, some enterprising local reporter often took a moment to run out and interview the stone soldiers about their views, running this in a weekly column.
If I tried something like this, I’d get laughed out of town. (Writing about the nut who did it a hundred years ago is acceptable, apparently.) But one of the columns appeared in 1914, talking about how the stone Colorbearer on the monument felt about Christmas preparations.
“Here we are again, fellows, in the midst of a big snow storm,” he began,”And I’m not in condition to say much because I have been bound to secrecy in certain matters that would show up certain individuals.” Exactly what sensitive secrets the stone guy might know was never fully explained. But he continued to talk about one of the local banks, which had apparently taken one of his suggestions. Just what a stone Colorbearer might know about banking wasn’t clear, either, but he explained some of it.
“What I want to call your attention to is the fact that our suggestions are being taken kindly by the people, and the one we threw out regarding one of our banks taking up the Christmas fund is now being put into practice by the Clinton Trust Company,” he was quoted as saying. (Exactly what reporter repeatedly interviewed the sculptures on the monument, and what he was drinking at the time, I’ve never discovered.) “I opine the people who store away small change for Christmas gifts will rise up next December and call us blessed also.”
He then went on to explain, for readers who might be dumber than a stone guy, exactly how the fund worked: People put away small amounts of money until Christmas, when they withdrew it to pay for gifts. You wouldn’t think the concept would require a lot of explanation, particularly from a soldier who couldn’t move from his monument, but it was a different time.
The Colorbearer is the guy who stands, holding the flag, all the way at the top. The other four are down below, and at this point, the Infantryman chimed in. He wanted to talk about the gas streetlights along the avenue.
“You know I called attention and congratulated our people on the boulevard lights up the avenue,” he said,”And suggested it would be a capital idea to continue them up to the top of the hill. That would be a bright move.” See what he did there? “And wouldn’t it be a swell view for strangers entering the city at night. Nothing like it anywhere with the effect that old hill would add to it.”
He went on to suggest that someone should run along every night and light them up, and that maybe that responsibility should belong to the Colorbearer. The Colorbearer was not exactly on board with this plan, though.
“I have all I can handle with this old banner,” he said. Also, he’s stuck to the monument and unable to move, but he didn’t mention that. I assume they were all a little sensitive about that part, and Christmas is no time for hurt feelings.
