Lou’s View

By Lou Bernard

It’s pretty much open knowledge that I’m a paranormal investigator. People come to me all the time to comment on it or ask about it. “I have a question for you,” they say. “I know you’re with that group, the Lock Haven….Something….Society?”

For the record, it’s the Lock Haven Paranormal Seekers. LHPS for short. And yes, I’m the field leader of the team. And as such, I get a lot of questions. Much of the time, people are asking unanswerable questions, and it’s not their fault.

I try to investigate as scientifically as possible. When I investigate a haunted place, I’m looking for provable, measurable evidence. This somewhat conflicts with what people expect—Television, movies, and irresponsible wannabe investigators have spread a lot of unprovable ideas.

Here’s what we know about ghosts: They may exist.

That’s pretty much it. Everything else is theory at this point. But I still have about another six hundred words to fill in this column, so I’m going to share with you some of the misconceptions. Let me tell you about some of the things we don’t know, but people believe we do.

How to get rid of them is a big one. I get people all the time asking me to remove ghosts from their house. I always explain that I’m an investigator, not an exterminator. Right now, paranormal investigation is a very new science, and we know nothing about it. So we sure as hell don’t know if it’s even possible to remove a ghost, let alone how. “So I should burn sage then?” people ask, and I shrug and say, ”Sure, if it’ll make you feel better. There are no scientific studies that show that works.”

And then they say, ”So do I call a priest?” Which is another big misconception. Once again, on a scientific level, there’s no proof of anything like that. In addition, in all my years as an investigator, I have yet to see a church that says, ”Sure, we got a guy for that. We’ll send him right out.” That’s just on TV—Most actual churches don’t seem to bother.

I also get asked about the types of ghosts a lot. “Do you think it’s intelligent or residual?” “Have you ever encountered anything demonic?” Again, my answer tends to be a shrug. See, once again, this is a new science. Ghosts have not been proven to exist yet, so we can’t classify them.

Look at it this way: There are many different types of whales. Sperm whales, baleen whales, blue whales, and so on. But all that sorting took place AFTER whales were proven to exist. Scientists couldn’t put them into types until we’d captured the first one. Has anyone captured a ghost yet? I don’t think so. I think I’d have heard about it.

So I am very uncertain about anyone who walks into a house and says things like,”Well, you have two demons in this corner and a class-B poltergeist over here.” They are skipping several steps ahead in the scientific process.

I also sometimes get asked how much I charge. This is an understandable error, but an error anyway. We do investigations for free.

Once again, we are trying to be as scientific and reliable as we can. Now, imagine a group that comes to investigate your home. On their way out, they say,”We didn’t find anything. Five hundred dollars, please.”
Would you be pulling out the checkbook?

Groups that charge money (There are a few) can’t be impartial. They have five hundred reasons to find something, whether they actually found something or not.

I try to remain as reputable as possible. All of these are examples of how people learn from TV, instead of from reliable investigators. So, though it sounds odd to say, have a scientific Halloween.