Lou’s View

By Lou Bernard

I’ve always liked the movie “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.” I’m about the only person who does; it never got good reviews. That movie was so badly reviewed that it caused Sean Connery to retire from acting, and he starred in it. But I enjoy the movie, and bring it out to re-watch it every now and again.

It’s about a team of classic literary figures, which appeals to me. Alan Quartermain, Tom Sawyer, Dorian Gray, the Invisible Man, and Dr. Jekyll all team up to defeat the bad guys, and something about seeing that fictional dream team just grabs my attention.

Recently I told Chris Miller about the movie over coffee. He didn’t ask about the movie, but he can just sit there and listen to me talk. And I began to wonder how that would look on a Clinton County history level. If a similar movie would be made with historic figures from Clinton County’s past, who would be on it? (I’m assuming here that I would be on the team. Hell, it was my idea.)

Let’s start with the obvious: Henry Wharton Shoemaker would have to be on the team.

The McElhattan writer and folklorist wrote down a lot of local legends and stories from the area. He had a major amount of knowledge of our local history and geography, and knew many of the local legends of ghosts, monsters, and old battles. He was also a huge activist, fighting for the environment before it was fashionable, and he did some government work during the World Wars. Shoemaker is in.

Now, if Shoemaker knew the ghosts and legends, Loop Hill Ike was the man who could deal with them. Isaac Gaines was from Keating Township, descended from escaped slaves on the Underground Railroad. He was a real person, but appears in a lot of old legends, as well, as the man called in to deal with hauntings, cryptids, and local spells and curses. I think we need that.

No women on the team? Let’s fix that. Molly Fox was basically a superhero in downtown Lock Haven. Molly was a smart businesswoman, known for hanging out in front of her store on Main Street wearing bright, eye-catching clothes. She supported local education, donating tons of money to the schools, and her will established a scholarship that is still in use. Molly was also eerily tricky—Because of some clever clauses in her will, she wound up putting more money in the scholarship than she actually had.

Another local superhero was Water Man. Okay, his actual name was Boyd Keller, and the local reservoir was named after him, but the newspapers often referred to him as “Water Man,” including in his own obituary. Keller was in charge of the Lock Haven Water Department and one of the local fire departments, and he had a talent for creative thinking when it came to fighting fires. His original planning skills led to successes fighting fires in Mill Hall and Lock Haven, and he was there to help in 1918 when Loganton had a tragic fire. That was basically a total loss, but Keller prevented it from spreading and becoming much worse.

I’ve always liked the idea of a team of historic figures, having local adventures in Clinton County. I think this would make a neat movie—Granted, it’s already been done with the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, but this would be different, and maybe get better reviews. Who wants to make a movie with me? But I think the team needs a better name. I’m thinking the “Lou Crew.”