Lou’s View – Oct. 31, 2013
By Lou Bernard
The Night of the Vampire Squirrels
Halloween. A night for ghosts and monsters. Also candy. Lots and lots of candy. A holiday that has traditionally become about eating candy and talking about old stories of strange, scary things.
My time to shine.
Everyone already knows about some of the big ghost stories and legends. This Halloween, I wanted to feature some of the lesser-known ones. There are some great stories from the area that nobody’s ever heard. And when it comes to obscure monster stories, one of my favorites would have to be the vampire squirrels.
You heard me right. Vampire squirrels.
This one is said to have happened around July 1910, and was written down in Robert Lyman’s book “Amazing Indeed.” Harry Sloan lived up around Kettle Creek, which is coincidentally also home to a spooky underwater monster. One summer day, according to the story, he was climbing a tree trying to get some honey, sort of like Winnie The Pooh. Except A.A. Milne never came up with anything quite like what happened next.
The title of the story is “Flying Squirrels Attack Man,” which is also more or less the plot. Several flying squirrels suddenly began swooping at Sloan, biting him and trying to drink his blood. (Lyman doesn’t come right out and claim they were vampires, but seriously. Come on.) The squirrels chased him down the tree, where he found a club to beat them away with. Making this still a better vampire story than Twilight.
I’m told that there is a comedy movie from a few years ago where a vampire, in a fit of rage, bites a squirrel that then becomes a vampire. Every one of my friends who saw this movie had to call me up and tell me about it immediately. I’m awaiting my royalties.
Another interesting one is the story of the Goum Quat, which I have to admit I have only heard through word of mouth. People have told me about this one, but I’ve never seen it documented anywhere, so I’ll admit I may be a bit off on some of the details.
The Goum Quat was a name given to a white monkey that used to run around the mountains of Castanea. Supposedly, the Clinton County Fair used to be up around there, and a white monkey escaped and began living off the land. From what I’ve heard, it wound up becoming its own legend, chasing people around up there.
Seriously, what is it with the apes? Henry Shoemaker wrote down a story about a killer gorilla in Woolrich, which even Shoemaker admitted was just a guy in a suit. According to Shoemaker’s story, a jealous, jilted man dressed up as a gorilla to murder his ex and her boyfriend, because dressing in a gorilla suit is simply the crime of the century. But afterward, overcome with guilt, he couldn’t take off the suit. He was last seen in the forests north of Woolrich about 1921, still running around dressed like a gorilla.
Ghosts? We got them too. An article in the Clinton Democrat on December 26, 1872 talks about a man named Anderson who bought a home from the widow of John Walters, in Bald Eagle Township. He refused to pay, dragging lawyers into it, because he’d heard that one room couldn’t be entered. This was due to a headless man pacing around all night in there, who was supposedly the ghost of John Walters. Anderson never asked if the man would be willing to share the room, he just flat-out refused to pay.
Anderson attempted to back out of the sale, citing the ghost as the reason and proving that lawyers will argue about anything as long as they’re getting paid. Mrs. Walters insisted that it wasn’t true, saying,”My John doesn’t want to come back, for I think he is in heaven, and if he is in hell the devil won’t let him come back to bother me.”
Still a better story than Twilight.
Scared yet? A headless guy in the living room, various mythical animals running around….Man, I love this county. Save me some candy, everybody. Happy Halloween, kids. Watch out for vampire squirrels.
