Lou’s View – Oct. 12, 2016

On the Trail of Ghosts

by Lou Bernard

Several years ago, when the Lock Haven Paranormal Seekers first formed, we had cards made up that said “LHPS: When your life ends, our workday begins.”

That may have been a little too flip, given the subject matter, but it’s always important to be doing something you enjoy. And I do enjoy ghost hunting—It’s a good thing to have fun with it.

The Lock Haven Paranormal Seekers, of which I am a member, are probably Clinton County’s most reputable ghost-hunting team. Why the most reputable? Because we’re the most scientific. As I often explain during events, we’re looking for provable, measurable evidence of the paranormal. We can back up what we say—We’re not taking anything on faith.

Because I’m so involved in paranormal investigation, I get people walking up to me in public all the time to discuss ghosts or ask questions. And it’s great; I love talking things over with the public. But I’m happier about it when the public stays as scientific as I do, which doesn’t always happen. So if you happen to approach me for a talk, let’s avoid some topics.

Like orbs. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone come to me, all breathless, and show me a photo with orbs in it. An orb is a little ball of light that appears in a photo, and they’re mostly caused by dust or reflections. Orbs aren’t generally evidence of the paranormal. And, yes, I know that they show orbs on TV all the time. That’s another topic to avoid, the TV shows. I despise the TV shows. If you saw it on TV, it was probably faked—The shows will flat-out fake evidence to add drama. My rule is: If you’re dramatic enough to be on TV, you’re not scientific enough to be doing it right. (If you’d like to discuss The Simpsons, however, I’m good with that.)

And for crying out loud, don’t tell me all about how your favorite psychic says there’s dead children in your house. I’m not a big fan of the psychics, either—As I said, I don’t take these things on faith, and that exactly what the psychics tend to expect. If they can document what they say, I’m cool with it, but they never do that. They walk around and then tell stories of a little dead girl named Sarah, who somehow never shows up on the old records. (“Sarah” is the only name psychics seem to know.) What I do is to prove what I’m saying, not expect people to take my word for it.

Even worse are the people who try to convince me that a Ouija Board gave them information. Look, Ouija Boards are made by the same company that gave us Chutes and Ladders. If they really could communicate with dead people, don’t you think the company would be doing a little better financially right now? (Or maybe they really can communicate with dead people, but dead people are terrible at giving financial advice.) Yes, the little thing on the board moves. If it’s got someone touching it, it’s likely to move. I don’t care how still you think you’re being, if you’re touching it, it’s likely to move. You’re just as well off trying to talk to the dead through a Candy Land game.

And gravity hills. Gravity hills are another thing to stay away from. A gravity hill is a hill, usually on railroad tracks, where people claim that a car rolls uphill. This is usually credited to a horrible train accident where a bunch of children got killed. Yes, I am aware there’s said to be one of these in McElhattan. Are you aware that there is no record of any such accident? No newspaper articles, obits, or anything that mentions such an accident. Also, no two people seem to be able to agree on exactly where the gravity hill is, which is somewhat less than geographically helpful.

I am aware that I have just gone off on a rant-fest here, so let me share some positive stuff with you to make up for it. I’m always happy to talk about scientific methods. I’ll be glad to show you my equipment, and how it works—I usually have a few pieces on me. Local history that has been researched, and can be proven? I’m in. Seriously. Feel free to come up to me and talk ghosts anytime you like. Just don’t show me a photo with an orb, and claim you took it at a gravity hill while a psychic from a TV show used a Ouija Board. We’ll talk.

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